Tuesday, December 6, 2011

A Letter on Dress and Grooming


In celebration of the BYU-I ban of skinny jeans and in honor of totally arbitrary and ridiculous rules, I thought I'd post the following...

"A clean and well-cared-for appearance should be maintained. Hairstyles should be clean and neat, avoiding extreme styles or colors, and trimmed above the collar leaving the ear uncovered. Sideburns should not extend below the earlobe or onto the cheek. If worn, mustaches should be neatly trimmed and may not extend beyond or below the corners of the mouth. Men are expected to be clean-shaven; beards are not acceptable. Earrings and other body piercing are unacceptable. Shoes should be worn in all public campus areas." - BYU-Idaho Student Catalog

At first, the university had following pictures and blurbs up as examples of acceptable and unacceptable grooming... They were later removed.

Exhibit A - Acceptable


Exhibit A is quite the little overachiever. His sideburns are shaved ABOVE his ears. The rest of his is face is clean shaven, demonstrating his adoration of Heavenly Father. While he has chosen to sport a mustache, he's made sure it hasn't extended beyond the chastity line (his lips). He's also wearing a suit and tie, which is yet another sign of his love for all things upright and redeeming in the world. By his appearance we clearly see a morally chaste and god-fearing person.

Exhibit B - Unacceptable


Someone get this guy a razor and a hairstylist. When was his last shave? His hair is about as long as Riley Nelson's when he apologized to all 6 of his fans. Definitely in need of a haircut. What is he wearing? Is it like a robe or something? There's probably skinny jeans on underneath it. I bet he just came from one of BYU-I's many off-campus Toga parties. There was probably Dr. Pepper there too. I digress (I just can't stop judging this guy!).... don't be like this guy.

(Author's Note: Before anyone gets all offended, please know I do feel a little bit guilty for dirtying Kenny Rogers' good name by using his likeness on the same page as Hitler's.)

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

A semicogent rant on going to college for free and such..

With tuition costs becoming even more of a back alley rape job (speaking metaphorically of course), I thought it helpful to share some tips on not getting plundered and pillaged by your chosen institution of higher learning. Part of this is a facebook message I sent to a cousin, the rest is stuff I forgot to mention at the time. 

Let us begin... 

Friday, July 29, 2011

I'm so Postmodern...or am I?

Today I was thinking about the ever amorphous term "postmodern." Most people use the word to describe something that is new, cool, or hip..and they generally use the word already realizing how ridiculous it sounds; it's a joke to them, as it is to most sane individuals (I'll explain later).

When intellectuals define postmodernism they generally use a bunch of big fancy words and lengthy paragraphs to say something that could easily be said in a few sentences (they do what I classify as "word dropping" -- it's essentially diction's equivalent of the concept of name dropping). To sum up, Post-modernism as a theory can be best described as the denial of universal truth and the inherent subjectivity of reality, morality, and experience. It denies religion as a universal means to truth. It denies science as a universal means to truth. Come to think of it, I can see why it's so hard to define. I guess in a world ruled by postmodern thought, postmodern could mean whatever you wanted it to mean. It could also mean whatever I wanted it to mean. The best part is, we'd both be right.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Blogosphere appears to be a lonely place...

I've got one follower.

Perhaps it really doesn't much matter what I write here as no one will probably read it.

Sarah Palin is Xenu.

Gumby rules.

Logical syllogism:

Major Premise: No male listens to Taylor Swift.
Minor Premise: Austin is a male (well sort of, I'm more conclusively male post-op).
Conclusion: Austin doesn't listen to Taylor Swift.

I'm bored.

Monday, July 18, 2011

It Begins...

I'm having a hard time understanding why typing this first post is so awkward. Maybe it's because I'm forcing it...

Anyways...

So, the other day I decided to start a blog. I'm doing it mostly because I see it as my duty to the internet. I utterly failed to find any enjoyment whatsoever out of twitter, and still don't really enjoy facebook. I guess you could say I'm at my social media "wits end." If blogging sucks too, I think I'm going to give up on social media. It just isn't doing it for me. Take twitter for example. It just seems like a stripped down version of facebook cluttered up with symbols like @, # and really visually unappealing links. Am I wrong in my evaluation? I digress... I guess the point of this blog is for me to either review, vent, muse, ramble, or comment on pretty much anything I want to.

Let's see how this goes.